4/ MARRIAGE thoughts
how do you relate to yourself and others? this blog post explores how relationships shape our lives.
I love being married. Effin’ love it. Lurv it. Never thought I would. There is nothing like having someone there to have your back, give you the benefit of the doubt, and go through life with you as you create it together. I know some people don’t feel the same, because I didn’t always feel this way. So, I get it.
There was actually a time that I thought I wanted to be single forever. Let me preface this by saying that I grew up in the “Sex and The City” TV show era. I either had it on in the background or was actually watching it for what seemed now to be 24/7. Oh, good ole’ E! Channel. That was the IT channel to watch back when I was in college (before streaming was really a thing, for any Gen-Zs reading this).
The women on “Sex and the City” harped on how awesome it was to be single and constantly ready to mingle. That show probably wasn’t the best influence on my psyche back then. But, when you’re young and living fast, you don’t take time to really think about stuff like that. Or, if you do, you don’t really quite care enough to do something about it. (A TV fast? God-forbid!)
Looking back, I realize that it probably was a good idea to not want to get married back then. I wasn’t really marriage material, to be honest. This is literally how I thought: I really don’t want to burden myself with having to care for someone (selfish), and don’t want to burden them with my life either (low self-esteem, much?). To say I used to be a Negative Nancy is an understatement. I needed to work on myself, so badly.
Fast forward, to my late-twenties: I graduated from law school, moved to LA, and got a job at a prestigious talent agency, William Morris Endeavor, in Beverly Hills. There, I learned how to take my head out of my ass. When you’re working for A-list celebrities and fast-talking-don’t-care-about-your-bullshit agents every day, you learn quick that you aren’t the only person on the face of the planet. Okay, so that was harsh, but you get my drift. Entering the “real world” really kind of put me in my place and forced me to get my priorities straight.
4/
MARRIAGE
I (continued going) went to therapy - more on that later - made friends that felt like family, and finally stopped to think about who I wanted to be and how I wanted to show up in this world. It did not involve being a power-hungry corporate type (Miranda Hobbes, Samantha Jones) or emotionally-dependent sex-crazed whimsical type either (Carrie Bradshaw, Charlotte York). So, I got TF out of LA, and stopped trying to prove myself. What is the point of trying to prove yourself if you don’t know who you are in the first place? Exactly.
Like any self-respecting Grand-Millenial back in the day, I decided to travel Europe to “find myself.” And what do you know!? It worked. Sort of. At least I realized that instead if wanting to be a badass Entertainment Attorney (which let’s be honest, I mostly was attracted to the prestige of it), all I wanted was to be at peace. Yup, peace - it was all THAT simple.
Looking back, I realize that it probably was a good idea to not want to get married back then. I wasn’t really marriage material, to be honest. This is literally how I thought: I really don’t want to burden myself with having to care for someone, and don’t want to burden them with my life either.
It wasn’t until I moved to an island off the coast of Miami (shout out to Key Biscayne) and shut out the world to really work on myself, that I attracted my now-husband into my life. I finally LOVED the person I was (and now am) enough to actually tell my now-husband at the time that whether he decided to stay in my life or not, “I am happy with who I am and so it would make no difference.” BALLSY, especially considering I actually really liked him. I do not recommend that you say this to your significant other. This type of vibe actually speaks for itself as people like to be with others that they feel lighter around and that they don’t feel forced to be with or indebted to.
Being “at peace” allows amazing and loving relationships to enter into your life. Like attracts like, I strongly believe. So my advice to you, if you are one of those people who wants to be alone all of the time and looks down on relationships, is to really do some soul-searching and ask yourself if you are happy. If you truly are, you will probably want to share that happiness with others. No longer did I believe that others would slow me down or that I would be a burden, rather I realized that I had so much light and love to give and that others might be the same.
Let’s share! I’m curious. What did you do to become the person you are today and how has that affected your relationships and vice-versa?
